We all know that joining the military is not a walk in the park. You should be ready to put your life on the line for your country. But if you think that the hard part only comes when you are deployed – you are sadly mistaken.
The training that happens before you can join the military is something else. After all, you need to be trained really well if you want to survive in a battlefield. What makes the training even more difficult are the punishments that you have to go through when you make a mistake.
Sometimes, these punishments can be really humiliating while others are just downright funny. You wouldn’t believe what these new recruits have to go through to survive the ridiculous punishments for every mistake.
Here are some of the funniest military punishments shared by Reddit members.
USMC boot, one kid on firewatch failed to notice the DI coming on deck (which means you immediately salute and report your post), so the DI ran up to the rifle rack, smacked it, and yelled “BAM! You’re dead.” He tried to respond – but was cut off by the DI: “You’re a ghost now, you can’t talk. Go act like a ghost.”
Then the kid had to wander around the squadbay for the rest of his 2 hour firewatch acting like a ghost, and he took that responsibility with a stride. Plenty of ridiculous “oooOOOOOoOOOOo i’m a ghooOOooost” noises and fucking with people’s racks. We were all laughing our asses off for the next hour till our senior got pissed.
A service member was a total fuck-up, to put it gently. Couldn’t be on time, couldn’t show up dressed to standards, constantly forgot professional courtesies, so on. When he was on his last straw, his squad leader pulled him aside and more or less started yelling, then stopped himself.
“No. You know what? I’m done yelling at you. It doesn’t work. Stay right here; don’t go anywhere.” He stormed off into the company building. The phrase, “stay right here, don’t go anywhere” is typically the precursor to something horrible happening when said in anger. The squad leader eventually emerged carrying a small-ish potted tree which he hands to the service member.
“You will keep this tree alive. You will carry this with you wherever you go in uniform. You will take it to PT, you will take it to chow, you will take it to work. If anyone asks you why you’re carrying this fucking tree around, you will tell them, ‘It’s to replace the oxygen I stole from everyone else.’ “
Probably the funniest punishment I’ve ever seen, and we’ll never see it again
When I was a private one of my buddies got a similar punishment except that he had to carry a rock which was painted. It’s name was Pvt. Rock and he became my buddy’s battle buddy so he was responsible for him at all times. Twice he forgot to bring the rock to PT and both times his excuse was so funny that our squad leader just laughed and let it slide. The first time our squad leader asked where Pvt. Rock was at, my friend says “He’s on sick call Sergeant, he’s got mumps”. I don’t know why, but we all laughed. Then about 2 weeks later we have a squadron run and of course there is no Pvt. Rock. “Where is Pvt. Rock?!” “He is on sick call Sergeant, he can’t go on the run.” “Why is he on sick call?!” “No legs Sergeant!” That shit was hilarious!! – BonjaminL
We had a guy that somehow got his watch through the indoc (They take all your crap when you first get there). Well the DIs found out he had it when they saw him wearing it one day, so they put him in the squad bay trashcan and put the lid on it. Every time they walked by and kicked it he’d pop out with his watch and yell, “SIR THE TIME ON DECK IS ZERO-NINE-FORTY-FIVE!” and then go back into his can like the freakin’ grouch from Sesame Street. – Sgt_Slate
A recruit in USMC boot camp thought he was special because he was an eagle scout. The drill Instructor picked up on this and during pt took him into the woods and made him build a nest. Then he had to squat over it in order to keep his eggs warm. – V_E_R_S_E
When we were heading to Iraq, we had to pass through Kuwait. Kuwait, being the transient hub for soldiers heading to, and leaving Iraq, it is very chaotic. As a result of jet lag and the chaotic nature of Kuwait, my buddy had brought his weapon to the shower, but forgot to grab it on his way back to the tent.
Shortly after he left, a sergeant came bursting through the door to see him sitting on his cot messing around with his new video camera he had just purchased to bring on the deployment.
His punishment was to get up, take his weapon and camera, and go sit in the community shower area and make sure no one else leaves their weapon in the shower for the night.
So, what you would see when you went to take off your clothes to get in the shower was a fully dressed guy with a video camera just sitting there looking at you.
There was a time when we made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. It took the poor guy all day. – BenSavageGardenState
Week 1 in Army Basic Training we had a soldier ask for an omelette in chow line (which was not allowed because there was absolutely no time to make custom omelettes for every single basic training soldier). The cooks started making the omelette when a drill sergeant asked what the hell was going on. The basic training soldier replied “go around, drill sergeant, I’m waitin’ on an omelette”. Needless to say, this was the wrong thing to say and do week one in basic training. Our platoon motto was hence forth “go around, drill sergeant, I’m waitin’ on an omelette” and the basic training soldier was hence forth named PVT Omelette. – lgmeister
In the Marine Corps when we really fucked up we would go “fishing” It is where you squat down like your sitting in a chair and hold a shovel out in front of you in the air like a fishing pole. Then you just sit there for a long time and if the shovel would start to droop down my sergeant would grab the tip of the shovel and start to shake it and make me pretend I was reeling in the big one. One time me and a buddy got in trouble together so they made him fish and me flop around on the deck like a fish he had already caught for almost an hour. – Hillsusmc
Having to apply suntan lotion to a shit ton of large rocks so they “don’t get sunburned”. Then, having to flip every rock and reapply as needed – rockyrikoko
During an inspection in basic training a piece of lint was found in our dryer. I ordered to “handcuff” the intruder and construct a detention facility where the intruder could be interrogated. I was to have an in depth report on who he was, where he was from, and what he was doing in the building. – joeyd11213
My brother told me that when he was in basic, a Drill Sergeant yelled at this guy to “beat his face”, meaning to do push-ups. Said guy had no clue it meant that, and promptly punched himself in the face, really, really hard, and fell to the ground. The Drill Sergeant had to walk that one off and my brother said you could hear him laughing hysterically as he walked behind a building. – NonAnnoyingPerson
…got caught on basic with my iPod and I ran around the camp for near 2 hours with my iPod over my head shouting “i’m a stupid f**k for bringing my iPod in the field” as the “enemy” was attacking our camp. I then proceeded to put my iPod in a plastic bag then taped it onto my helmet and from there on I responded to Private iPod. When my instructor shouted play I had to sing, skip I had to switch song etc… It lasted 2 weeks, even during the night when I had 1-2 hours to sleep. – Soundsparks
A group of Marines had decided to play soccer with an armadillo, killing it. They were forced to perform a full military funeral for the poor creature, then stand honor guard at its’ grave for a week. 24/7. In full dress uniform. In the middle of the summer. Remember this is in a swamp in southern GA. – discardigan
In USArmy Basic training, one soldier lost his canteen and asked the Drill Sergeant if he had seen it. The Drill was angry at this for some reason and made the private wander around for a few hours asking all kinds of inanimate objects if they had seen his canteen. So things like: “Truck, have you seen my canteen?” – travisarcher
My grandfather was part of the Russian Navy. Some guy in his crew broke valuable equipment, so they gave him a sleeping pill secretly and dropped a him in a rowboat while he was sleeping, sending him out into the Black Sea. After scaring the shit out of him, they went back and grabbed him. He never broke anything again. – Vmoney1337
We had a Private keep leaving his weapon unsecured in Iraq, so his squad leader took the whole thing apart and gave him a “Scavenger Hunt” list of all the Senior Enlisted NCOs he could talk to about earning that particular component of his rifle back. Each NCO proceeded to smoke the living shit out of him until he could put it all back together. – Agent_Kid